I write books. Sometimes.

Recent Posts

  • Feeling Insecure

    Sun, Aug 29, 2021
    Read time: 8 min.
    Security questions are terrible. I mean, we can start with the obvious–you’re in the middle of signing up for some service that you were probably hoping to use now, when suddenly you’re prompted to fill out a pop quiz about yourself, and the “right” answer isn’t necessarily the one that’s accurate–...
  • Okay, So He's Not a Blobfish

    Tue, Jul 27, 2021
    Read time: 5 min.
    Regrettably, I need to backpedal from my last post: Ted Cruz does not, in fact, resemble the mangled corpse of a deep-sea fish. Physically, I mean. Obviously if we’re talking personality-wise, they’re virtually identical. Please, be honest with yourself.
  • A Brief Discussion of the Blobfish

    Tue, Jun 15, 2021
    Read time: 1 min.
    I would like to take a moment to discuss the blobfish, or the Psychrolutes marcidus. The most famous photo of Mr. Blobby dates back to 2003, and has been meme-ified ever since thanks to the unique aesthetic that won it “World’s Ugliest Animal” in 2013, and occasionally due to a supposed passing r...
  • Microchips for Everyone!

    Sun, May 23, 2021
    Read time: 13 min.
    I know that ever since my most recent post, you’ve all been on the edge of your seats, so I’ll ease your concerns now: I’ve gotten my second dose. There’s been a lot of talk about how awful the side effects are for the second shot, so when I went in this past Monday, I was ready to get laid out for ...
  • Doing Shots

    Sun, Apr 18, 2021
    Read time: 3 min.
    Because why not start out with a terrible pun? Today I took my first hit of the Pfizer vaccine. It was a well-run operation, I have to say. I showed up at the hospital and followed the trail of prominent “Vaccine Clinic” signs that they’d set out so that the process wouldn’t get held up by hapless...
  • Eleventy

    Sun, Feb 14, 2021
    Read time: 5 min.
    Long, long ago, when I set up this website, I decided to use a Content Management System (CMS) called Drupal. A CMS, if you’re not aware, is a type of software that people who can’t be bothered to learn HTML use to post their stupid thoughts on the Internet. Drupal made it easy enough to post my st...
  • Merry Grinchmas

    Mon, Dec 24, 2018
    Read time: 15 min.
    I’m now coming up on the first Christmas where my son has been cognizant enough to give a damn, and so lately we’ve been reading that beloved Christmas classic, How the Grinch Stole Christmas. This is what got me thinking about the Grinch again, and, as any of my regular readers know, it’s when I s...
  • Siiiick

    Fri, Jun 08, 2018
    Read time: 6 min.
    Despite the infrequency with which I post new blogs–and I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a terrible person who misses every writing deadline that he sets –it’s not often that it takes nearly half a year to write a single post that I’ve already started.
  • The Lumberjack and the Suit

    Tue, Oct 31, 2017
    Read time: 5 min.
    I’ve previously discussed my wife’s love of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies. Incidentally, to those who have read this blog and relied on it for investigative research purposes, I’d like to apologize and issue a minor correction.
  • Coming Home

    Fri, Sep 22, 2017
    Read time: 4 min.
    Recently, our apartment complex was acquired by another company, and in celebration, they decided to renovate everything. Oddly, this even included apartments that were still occupied, as opposed to the usual strategy of landlords everywhere, which is to wait until you move out, and then make the ap...