HartzellBaird.com

Welcome to the website of Hartzell-Baird & Hartzell-Baird, the only attorney1-sibling2-author3 duo on the internet that writes totally unrelated humorous quasi-science fiction novels.

Although as of yet we have no substantive writing credentials and even less notoriety, purchasing our books may be your ticket to getting in on the ground floor of the next big internet phenomenon. You don't want to be the person who missed the opportunity to purchase the first edition of the writing sensation that will later attract a cult following and sell on an online auction website for $2.3 million.4

Follow the links on this website to find out more information about "Death Mill Mansion: A Lighthearted Comedy" by Will Hartzell-Baird or "A Book That Lives Up To Its Title" by Suzanna Hartzell-Baird, or to order your very own copy of one or both of these remarkable books. In addition, please feel free to explore our author FAQ pages and short story pages.

FIRST-TIME VISITORS' FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTION

Q:
I've stumbled upon this webpage for the first time, why should I stay here?
A:
As the only two "Hartzell-Bairds" in the known universe, we can offer you the unprecedented opportunity to explore the minds of two individuals who only receive results pertaining to themselves when they Google their own name. However, our uniqueness extends beyond our moniker. According to a Readers Digest statistic that may or may not be quoted correctly, 85% of Americans either almost went to law school or are going to write a book someday. You've managed to encounter a website that exposes you to, not one, but two witty individuals who have both written books and gone to law school. If that's not enough to convince you, this website also contains numerous photographs of the Hartzell-Baird cat. Unfortunately, he has neither written a book nor gone to law school, and what he lacks in friendliness, he also lacks in intellect and visual appeal. However, statistically, websites that feature pictures of housecats are, on average, 23% more entertaining than those that do not.

1 Although the authors featured on this website are attorneys, any information contained herein is not to be construed as legal advice.
2 According to our parents. We have yet to see actual verification of this claim.
3 This is the only word of actual relevance in this sentence.
4 This statement should not be construed as financial advice or as a guaranteed return on investment.